[Guest Post]

10 Things Not to Say During the Zombie Apocalypse

During the upcoming zombie apocalypse please keep this possible life saving tip in mind. If you run across other survivors you’ll need to remember that not everything we say today is something that should be said at this time. Sure sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt is true in most cases. However no one took into account the sheer stupidity of words during certain global changing events and how those words can cause your friends to get tired of you and kick you out of relative safety.

Here are some phrases to strike from your vocabulary and it may just help you keep the peace during the most emotional time in human history since Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn Jenner.

Top 10 things not to say during the Zombie Apocalypse.

“What’s for dinner?”

Answer: It might be YOU! Plus food will be scarce during this time so you may want to buck up and start making your own dinner. You aren’t 12 anymore and microwaving pizza bites would be a luxury during the zombie apocalypse but I’m betting you’d have a better chance of spotting a UFO than a edible pizza bite.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right back”

No…No you won’t. I don’t necessarily believe in jinxes or curses but you can’t explain this! The moment you say those words your fate is sealed and you will be the guy in the movies that gets bit but hides it from all of his survivor companions until it’s too late. DON’T BE THAT GUY!

“I bet we’ll be safe here”

Answer: No you aren’t! This one will get you two fold. The first is that you can guarantee that within one night of staying at this “safe” location it will be over ran by zombies. The second and most immediate threat is that within 10 seconds you can bet that a zombie will jump out from no where and get one of your group. It’s either from a zombie that you originally thought was dead or by a douchebag team member that was previously bit and hides it from everyone.

“This fence is secure”

No fence is secure. It could be a 20 foot high concrete fence with razor wire all around every bloody inch of it and it still won’t be secure. Zombies will find a way, they ALWAYS find a way.

“How much damage can one Zombie do?”

Do you consider getting your face ate off damage? I certainly do and each and every single zombie is willing to do a LOT more than that!

“If you stand still, the Zombies can’t see you”

If you hear someone say this you have my permission to shoot them right then and there. Don’t try to kill them though, just wound them enough so that you can get away. They are a bigger danger to the team than a lot of the zombies you will run into are for sure.

“It’s just a small flesh wound”

NO it’s a bit mark! Separate this person from your group immediately and get as far away from them as possible. It’s just a matter of time before they would have turned on you.

“Did you hear that?, never mind, it’s just the wind”

Zombies and the wind sound very different. One is air blowing through the landscape and the other is shambling along, growling, and grunting about “brains” or something else. Guess which is which.

“I’m sure the water is fine”

Then YOU drink it! I may be thirsty but I’m sure I can wait the extra five minutes it takes to purify it by boiling it or filtering it. By all means let the person who says that be the taste tester. When they start gagging for their life go ahead and get your weapon ready and stay away from that water.

“Just follow the train tracks, Zombies are afraid of trains”

“Train” rhymes with “brain” and zombies love brains! Keep in mind that zombies are fearless and could care less if it was a train hauling a nuke over a bumpy track heading for a bridge that has been out since the apocalypse started.

If don’t feel that you can heed this warning and just know that it’s a matter of time before you find yourself cast out among the living dead then you’ll need more possible life saving tips from Escape From Zombies.

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